Banish from Bollywood!

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Posted on August 29th, 2007 in Features, Stars

Note: This article is strictly based on the opinion of the writer and is not intended to hurt any sentiments of fans whatsoever.

It seems we’re getting a bit crowded in this little cinematic world of Bollywood. Naturally, the only solution is to sort through the pile and chuck the junk! Here we go.

Aashish Chaudhary
Though we still look at him as a newcomer, Aashish Chaudhary has actually been attempting to make a mark in Bollywood since 2003 with Love at Times Square. This was the same year that we saw the sensational debuts of Priyanka Chopra and Lara Dutta. If you take a look at how Priynaka and Lara have zoomed by in the last four years, there is no excuse for Aashish. Oh wait, maybe there is—he can’t act. The only movie where he showed relatively decent skills was in Qayamat way back. Clearly he must have been high or something while shooting cause since then there hasn’t even been a faint hint of powerful acting.

Rimi Sen
More than half of her films have been hits, which is a fact that most actresses today can’t boast about. So why would we want to kick her out of Bollywood for good? Because she has made next to zilch contribution in all her films! Besides standing in the middle of a crowd of guys while they ogle at her figure, Rimi Sen has done nothing. She plays it safe with multistarrers like Dhoom, Phir Hera Pheri and Garam Masala but doesn’t have even one film she can call her own. Her racist comments from last year don’t help matters either!

Uday Chopra
Daddy’s boy! Of his eight films, six films have hailed from his father’s reputed Yash Raj Films. It’s not a crime to work with your family, but if in seven years you have only bagged two projects outside then there’s definitely a problem. Pretty much the only role he can call his own is Ali in the Dhoom series. Apart from that, Little Chopra has done nothing special. If he doesn’t decide to step up his game, he can kiss his acting career goodbye! And he can kiss it with those glossy, painted, feminine lips we saw in the crass comedy Neal N Nikki.

Upen Patel
I still don’t understand why he’s here. First of all, he can barely speak Hindi. Second, he can’t act. While some seem to find him good-looking, to me he looks like a fat slab of stinky beef (this isn’t a good thing). He irritated to the max in 36 China Town and only continued the same act in Shakalaka Boom Boom. In Namastey London he showed slight improvement. These are not the kind of newcomers we need in Bollywood! Learn Hindi and try again later.

Amisha Patel
She became an overnight superstar with Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai but was greatly overshadowed by co-star Hrithik Roshan. Since then, this once promising star has fallen flat barring in mind a decent performance in Humraaz. Instead of making headlines for her acting, she was embroiled in controversies with her family as well as reported spats with co-stars. And then she went through the whole “I want to be a firangi girl” phase by dying her hair stark blond a few years ago. Don’t forget that pathetic attempt at a cry back in Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage which made my ears bleed severely. Thanks Amisha, I think you should foot my doctor’s bill for that! Most cringe at the mere mention of her name. Who can blame them? However, she seems to be working towards an improvement after Ankahee, Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd. and the upcoming Bhool Bhulaiyaa. I really do hope she continues to improve because deep down, behind the irritating cry, she can act and she proved it way back in 2001 with Gadar. Otherwise, I think it’s time to say goodbye!

Salman Khan
I’m sure this one is bound to ruffle a few feathers but since the beginning of the new millennium, Salman Khan has seriously tarnished his once reputed and admirable reputation. After watching Partner, can you honestly believe that this was the same actor that warmed our hearts with Maine Pyaar Kiya, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Khamoshi, Andaaz Apna Apna…and the list is endless. He became part of the legendary Khan trio but while his counterparts are actually making attempts at experimenting and producing quality performances, Salman has fallen behind. These days, the Salman Khan we see is unbelievably annoying with a wananbe-American accent. Why, Salman, why? His contribution to Indian cinema in the 1990’s is so profound that he is undoubtedly a legend. Yet, I can’t help but assert that this doesn’t give him the liberty to screw around now and make crappy Hollywood remakes like Partner and Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya. In the first decade and a half of his career, Salman was at the top of his game. Today, he is seen as the weakest Khan of the famous trio. Drop the fake accent and turn back in time, I know you still have it! Otherwise, please don’t waste our time with bad performances coupled with bad films.

Suniel Shetty
He has been acting for two decades and is a prime example of a star that has never reached the A-league but still managed to survive the test of time. He’s not a bad actor, but he’s not great either and perhaps this is the simple reason that he has never made it big. It seems that production might be a better job for him, though he continues to act at the same time. Sure, there have been a few, but scarce, impressive performances in the past. But in twenty years, will we look back on Indian cinema and talk about what a great contribution Suniel Shetty made? Definitely not. Unfortunately, in the acting department, his impression is pretty non-existent. After more than twenty years, we still see him occasionally hamming in performances. I see this as a problem—one that needs to go.

Arjun Rampal
Here’s another one that’s going to receive tons of flak! Eye-candy wise he’s top-notch, but other than that he doesn’t have much to offer. Fellow actor Shiney Ahuja has been able to do in two years what Arjun couldn’t do in six—prove he can act. From the very beginning, his films haven’t been anything to boast about and unfortunately I have to say the same for his performances. He wears the same wooden expression from one film to the next and only made a mark in the recent Don. Actually, I strongly believe that his best performance to date was in Tehzeeb where he showed that he can be natural. After watching that film, I hoped Arjun was finally coming into his own. That charming Arjun never returned. Some claim that performances like Pyaar Ishq aur Mohabbat, Vaada and Dil Ka Rishtaa should be praised. I think otherwise. These are performances that any other actor, including half those on this list, could have performed just as adequately. What substantial, or even remotely worthy, contribution has Arjun made to this industry besides flaunting his physique and looking pretty?

Celina Jaitley
Why is she here?! Are we in such dire need of actresses that we need to call on people like Celina? Again, note that she debuted the same year as Priyanka Chopra. Today, where is Priyanka and where is Celina? I think that says enough. She just can’t act. Recently she tried to pull a good performance in Red but became quite the joke instead. Plus, her blue eyes which are about the only thing interesting in her are FAKE! I don’t doubt that’s the only fake thing on her body either. I can’t even pick one film where she proved that she should be in this industry. I hope with every fibre of my being that she quickly packs up her boobs and leaves.

Zayed Khan
I’m so sick of people becoming actors because they belong to a prominent Bollywood family. I mean if they can act, you can excuse it. But if they ham so much that you want to pull your hair out, it’s unforgivable! Meet Zayed Khan. He was horrible in Main Hoon Na, miscast in Shabd, pathetic in Rocky and overshadowed in Dus. What’s left? He continues to take the same type of roles and deliver the same horrible performances. I’m sure if we give him another three or four years he’ll start to improve. But why, as viewers, should we have to wait years for actors to improve and become bearable when there are others out there who are great actors already and just waiting for an opportunity to act in a film? I’m tired of wasting my time and money waiting for them to learn how to act. Shouldn’t they figure the whole acting thing out before getting into films? Apparently not.

So there you have it—the ten actors and actresses that deserve to be kicked out of Bollywood because they either can’t act or have stopped trying. It’s time we stopped making room for actors and actresses who can’t give us our money’s worth and pay attention to those that are brilliant actors but don’t get the time of day. If these so-called actors and actresses don’t pull up their socks and prove us wrong soon I’m afraid it’s bye bye Bollywood! Or rather, alvida!

Kuch Toh Bolo!

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