Resolutions for Bollywood Stars

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Posted on January 2nd, 2007 in Advice Column

With 2007 approaching, we here at BollySpice thought we’d help out our favorite and not-so-favorite celebrities with their New Year Resolutions. Who knows, some may even come true!

10. Govinda will try to stop kidding himself thinking he can make a comeback in Bollywood.
As if the shock of casting Govinda in Priyadarshan’s [director of one of India’s top comedies ‘Hera Pheri’] Bhagam Bhag wasn’t disturbing enough, our chote miyan will also be seen in Nikhal Advani’s Salaam-e-Ishq opposite a western beauty by the name of Shannon Esrechowitz. Why the sudden comeback? We would like to know as well. Just when Indian cinema is finally progressing in comedy, tacky, overrated “comedians” think they can make a comeback in Bollywood. Here’s a little New Year’s Resolution for our friend Govinda: Stick to television hosting mate, because bollywood is evidently not the place for you.

9. Bipasha Basu will stop signing movies where she is not needed, i.e: Omkara & Dhoom 2.
Bipasha Basu. The name itself shouts stardom. It’s a shame the talent of the young beauty is being washed out because of mediocre roles. We’ve seen her abilities in Jism, Madhoshi, and Corporate—there is no need sign an Omkara or even a D:2 after presenting several overwhelming characters. A talented name like Bipasha should not be wasted in insignificant roles. You are capable of doing better Bips; let’s hope the year of 2007 brings forth this opportunity for you.

8. Viveik Oberoi will try to make it big with big banners and better directors.
Is Viveik Oberoi cursed when it comes to signing films? Even after working with promising directors in Kisna and Kaal, success just doesn’t seem to be swaying in his direction. What this man needs is a role that accentuates his talent. A role that will bring out the old Viveik. The Viveik we once witnessed in Company, Road, and Saathiya. For the sake of Bollywood, no more Home Delivery/Pyare Mohan crap please!

7. Lara Dutta will try to sign more movies with big banners and good directors.
Ever since Bollywood Divas Lara Dutta and Priyanka Chopra have stepped into this industry, it’s always been fierce competition between the two. Unfortunately, one diva has grabbed all the fame and glory while the other is left behind going nowhere in her career. Has Dutta ever had a breakthrough performance? Come on girl, enough with the second class movie appearances, it’s time to step up your game!

6. Abhishek Bachchan will work on his image this year focusing on hair and dress sense, and weight issues.
Acting—check. Persona—check. Celebrity status—check. What’s missing? Sadly, AB Jr. has yet to fire his wardrobe and hair designer. The Hawaiian shirts and hair bands don’t exactly have us drooling at the edge of our seats. And to top it all off, he seems to have gained a good 30 pounds with a visible gut. Not a good image for India’s most eligible bachelor, don’t you think?

5. Juhi Chawla will try to sign more commercial films.
Juhi is back! Or is she? Granted, she is no longer capable of young, teenaged appearances but this should not stop the immensely versatile actress from lead heroine roles. What good is a comeback if you appear on celluloid for 15-30 minutes tops and that too with C-grade directors, producers, and even actors! We hope Nikhal Advani’s Salaam-e-Ishq opens broader opportunities for our favorite Chawla.

4. Salman Khan will need to calm down on his attitude.
As a performer, be it good or bad, his energetic characters are appreciated and adored by many. However, as a citizen, bechara Salman cannot seem to get himself out of trouble. Although he has improved on anger management matters, there are always those times where a bad day would get in the hands of the media and exploit Sallu as a troublemaker. A little less attitude and a little more coolness should set this Khan straight.

3. Rani will try not to cry in her next movie.
Oh Rani, Rani, Rani. Does your contract require a bucket of tears for every movie you sign? Where has the versatility run off to? Enough with the depressing, rona dhona act. We want Rani is full-on action. Perhaps, a dangerous cop or cynical detective will do that trick.

2. Shahrukh Khan will need to do more Don / Vijay characters and less Dev / Rahul characters.
Remember when Raj and Rahul ruled the hearts of Bollywood moviegoers? Boys wanted to be them and girls wanted to be with them. Even parents dreamed of a Raj or Rahul [played by Shahrukh Khan] in their household. And then came the infamous remake, Don. A remake that has finally proved Shahrukh Khan is able to do much more than a Rahul or a Raj or even a horrendous Dev Saran. The Vijay in Don showed brilliant comedic timing as well as accurate facial expressions. Hopefully, we won’t have to look back on the olden days. Goodbye Raj Malhotra, goodbye Rahul Khanna, and goodbye Dev Saran — this year is bringing out a new face in Shahrukh Khan and that means, no lover boys required.

1. Preity Zinta will need to learn the meaning of versatility
Beauty, brains, bronze and zero acting. Preity dear, leave Yashraj, leave Dharma Productions; it will only help you develop your proficiency. Our number one New Year’s resolution is for Preity Zinta because we know how talented she is, we just don’t know why she fails to prove it. Once an actress reaches a certain level of fame, she can no longer pull off roles where the only thing she is required to do is smile, dance and look beautiful. In cinema, enactment is required over anything else. No more typical Preity-ness. We want to see ACTING!

Kuch Toh Bolo!

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