A special screening was held on January 15th to celebrate Ram Gopal Varma’s Satya. The director along with composer Vishal Bhardwaj, Aditya Kashyap as well as Manoj Bajpayee and Urmila Matondkar among others came together to celebrate both its release 27 years ago and that it once again is playing on the big screen.
After the screening, Ram Gopal Varma spoke with Subhash K Jha in an open and reflective conversation to share his experience of seeing the film once again.
What was the experience like?
By the time Satya was rolling to an end, while watching it two days back for the first time after more than twenty-five years, I started choking and tears were rolling down my cheeks and I didn’t even care if anyone would see. The tears came from somewhere deep inside me not just for the film, but it was for everything that had gone into its making and more than that for what happened since. I saw the bewildered faces of my team as we looked at each other after the lights came on, as none of us realized what we had created. Not me, Not them.
What were your thoughts in that cathartic moment?
Making a film is like giving birth to a child originating from throes of passion without truly realising the final outcome of a beautiful child. That’s because a film is made in in bits and pieces without me really knowing what’s being made and when the film is ready to see my concentration is on what others are saying about it and after that , whether it’s a hit or not, I move on too obsessed with what’s next to reflect and understand the beauty of what I myself created .
Do you now agree that Satya is your best most uncompromised work?
Till two days back I was blind to what people saw in Satya as I didn’t feel what others felt, and I ignored the countless inspirations it sparked in so many by dismissing it as just another step in my journey towards an objective less destination .
Has re-watching Satya revised your self-perception on creativity?
Coming back to the hotel after the screening of Satya, and sitting in the dark I didn’t understand why with all my so-called intelligence, I did not set this film as a benchmark for whatever I should do in the future. I also realised that I didn’t just cry for the tragedy in that film but I also cried in joy for that version of myself. And I cried in guilt for my betrayals of all those who trusted me due to Satya. I also cried for the so many missed opportunities in me failing to set Satya as a gold standard for myself .
So agree you got corrupted with success?
I became drunk not on alcohol but on my own success and my arrogance though I didn’t know this till two days back When the bright lights of a Rangeela or a Satya blinded me, I lost my vision and that explains my meandering into making films for shock value or for gimmick effect or to make a vulgar display of my technical wizardry or various other things equally meaningless and in that careless process, forgetting such a simple truth that technique utmost can elevate a given content but it can’t carry it .
Which are your films after Satya that you are not ashamed of?
Some of my later films might have been successful but I do not believe that any of them had the same honesty and integrity which is in Satya. My very unique vision that drove me to create something path breaking in cinema also blinded me to the value of what I myself made and I became a man hurriedly running so fast looking up towards the horizon that I forgot to look down at the garden I’d planted beneath my feet , and that explains my fall from grace .
What are you doing to make amends?
I obviously can’t make any amends now for what I already did , but I promised myself two nights back while wiping away my tears , that every film I make from now onwards will be made with a reverence towards why I wanted to become a director in the first place .I might not be able to make a film like Satya ever again , but not even having an intention to do so is an unpardonable crime against Cinema. I don’t mean that I should keep making films like Satya but irrespective of the genre or the subject matter the least it should have is the sincerity of Satya. When Francis Coppola was asked by an interviewer about a film he made after The Godfather, whether it will be as good , I could see him squirming because i could see that it didn’t occur to him. No one asked me about any film I was about to make post Satya whether it will be as good, but what’s worse is that I didn’t ask myself .
Do you wish you could undo some of the awful anti-Satya films you made?
I so wish I could go back in time and made this one cardinal rule for myself , that before deciding on any film to make , I should watch Satya once again… If I followed that rule I am sure I would not have made 90% of the films I made since then. I truly mean this as a wake up call to every film maker who just gets carried away in self indulgence due to his own state of mind at any given moment without measuring it against the standards set by either themselves or others. I took a vow that whatever little of my life is left , I want to spend it sincerely and create something as worthy as Satya and this truth I swear on Satya.
