Scream and Shout: Why Kites Should Go Fly its Own Kite

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter

Warning and Disclaimer: This article, though unintended, may contain a few spoilers of the film. Do not read on if you don’t wish to encounter them. Keep in mind, the editors of BollySpice Magazine do not endorse the views of any of our ‘Scream and Shout’ articles; they are merely a platform for our writers to express their personal opinions.

I’m not sure what was worst; the fact that I had to deal with a terrible computer virus or having to watch Kites. But by the end of the film, I realized I would have much rather sat at home and struggled with the virus than watched Anurag Basu’s latest offering. Now that is a sad state of affairs. Let’s begin with what I liked about the film. Okay, so I seriously thought about this after a good thirty minutes of pondering, I realized that I liked absolutely nothing about Kites. And by the way, where on earth was the damn Kite in the film? I don’t even think the analogy works for this dreadful film.

I have a few questions for Anurag Basu. For starters, why was a large chunk of the film in Spanish? Forget Hindi. Forget even English. Do you seriously think that we, the Indian public, would somehow miraculously learn or even dissect what Barbara Mori was uttering throughout the film? Okay, even if we somehow managed to figure it all out, explain the following. Hrithik Roshan plays an American citizen who makes a living by marrying women and providing them with a Green Card in order to reside in the country legally. The film depicts him marrying not one or even two but a numerous number of women. Dearest Anurag, how have you been to America? If your film holds any reality, you would have realized that the American government is on top of such people. In fact, a couple who enter such a marriage must be married for seven years. How do you explain Hrithik’s nonstop marriage streak? More research was required on your part.

The film shifts from Las Vegas, where by the way, Casino owners do not brutally physically abuse their workers, to Mexico in a matter of minutes and boom, the couple are on the run from the police. Erm…so you put them in a car owned by a (surprise shock horror) Desi man who, get this, happens to be married to a Mexican woman!? Uh…hello? Are we stupid? Or do you think we are a bunch of fools? How convenient and unrealistic.

It’s really sad that till today, filmmakers believe that by casting a popular actor and a hot foreign actress, Bollywood fans will gush and aw over a supposed love story. But where was the love story in Kites? In fact, there was hardly any chemistry or intensity between Hrithik and Barbara. Not enough for them to commit suicide at least. And also, why did it take him close to fifteen minutes to finally jump off the damn cliff? This is the first time I was actually waiting for the lead hero of any film to jump already.

Sadly, I think that Hrithik Roshan has lost a fan post Kites: me. He may have the looks of a Greek God and may even be one helluva a dancer, but he disappoints in Kites. As for Anurag Basu, he has simply let himself down with Kites. Enough said. And lastly, to every reviewer who has given the film more than 1 as a rating, I have a lot to say to you but I’ll refrain from doing so because it may get me into trouble. However, I’ll say this. Please rate films carefully. By giving a film more than its actual worth, you give readers of your review expectations that most of the time don’t fit the 3 or 4 star ratings. By the way, I deserve a pat on the back for saying what I just did in layman terms; believe me, how I would have phrased it otherwise included a number of words that are not nice (read: foul).

As a moviegoer, you walk into the cinema looking to rid yourself of any external tensions in your life. You want to be a part of an experience; an entertaining one too. Kites is not that experience. In fact, it is perhaps better to deal with your own personal strife than watch Kites. Who should you blame for this terrible experience? Do you blame Rakesh Roshan? A veteran filmmaker should know better. Kites is said to be his brainchild. If so, please retire effective immediately Roshan Senior. I am scared to think of what a future film from you will look like. Or maybe we should blame Anurag Basu. How could a filmmaker who has directed the likes of Gangster and Life in a Metro allow himself to make such a film; it is simply unfathomable. Such a letdown. I refuse to blame Hrithik. We all know that the dude is an obedient son who will be a part of any film his Daddy directs and produces. It’s all about loving your family, remember?

Before I finally conclude, I have one quick thing to say. Listen Anurag, you’re a dude and you are capable of much more. But a couple of smooches, a backless Mexican model who smiles a bit too much, violence and a foreign location does not maketh a movie. Please refrain from providing us with such garbage. Muchas Gracias.

Oh and as for my computer virus, I finally got rid of it. However, I can’t say it was possible to relieve myself of the dreaded memories of Kites. No antivirus can take care of that!

81 queries in 0.522 seconds.